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“I bought tickets to see Band of Awesome (not a real band) because my sister (Karol) [26f] absolutely loves them. I saved up money so we could go and told her about it. We both picked a date that works for us.
I have the tickets in my possession. I never told Karol they were a present for her, I said I had tickets and would like her to come. If she could not, then Joe would be coming with me. Joe [25m] is my boyfriend of 5 years.
Recently I got a message from Karol's friend, Missy [24f].
I don't like Missy very much, she lives really far away, has a kid, and doesn't want to ever spend money. She will demand you buy her beer and then never offer to get the next round. She tried to make my friend's birthday about her, so I have told Karol I do not want Missy coming to events where I will be. I just don't like greedy people who make drama about dumb things.
I told her where the information was listed for the show, but said it was likely sold out in our area. ”
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The worst part is, this kind woman didn't even hear about this from her sister. She found out when Missy started messaging her directly about concert plans. Imagine discovering you've invited somebody to an interstate concert trip without your own knowledge.
Naturally, confusion followed. After confronting her sister, she learned that the ticket had already been promised away. According to the sister, backing out now would be cruel because Missy was excited. The fact that the ticket wasn't hers to give away apparently didn't factor into the equation. But the entitlement didn't stop there.
Missy couldn't really afford the trip herself. So alongside the free concert ticket came a collection of additional expectations. She'd need transportation. She'd need food. She'd need help covering the logistics. Suddenly, what started as a thoughtful $250 outing between siblings was threatening to become a significantly more expensive weekend dedicated to somebody who wasn't invited in the first place.
It's not just that someone gave away something they didn't own. It's the confidence with which everyone else seemed to assume the original buyer would simply go along with the plan. The internet overwhelmingly sided with the ticket owner. A concert invitation isn't a transferable coupon. If somebody spends hundreds of dollars to share an experience with you, the correct response is gratitude, not turning around and gifting their money to someone else.
Especially when you're volunteering them to pay even more.
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“Missy then asked if I was taking back the "invite" and that I needed to give her the information for the plan.
I told her I had no idea what she was talking about, I was going with Karol.
I was so confused. I asked what she was talking about. Pretty much the just was: Missy is obsessed with Band of Awesome and has always wanted to go see them. She has a kid, so cannot afford to go. So my sister, being the 'kind soul' she is offered her own ticket to Missy without asking me.
I called Karol and told her what was going on.”
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“She said yes she "gave" her ticket to Missy. According to her I cannot take back the tickets because it would be cruel. Missy would also need a ride, someone to pay for her food, and all this other stuff. What cost about $250 originally, with missy, would push $400 because she lives so far away, the concert is in another state, and all this other stuff.
I don't know how to let my sister know this is not okay, I don't intend to take Missy with me, and how I am really hurt she turned this into a way to make her friend feel special while making me feel like sh*t. How do I do this?”
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Your sister has lost her mind. That's all I can come up with. That your sister would not even talk to you about this "ticket transfer" plus expect YOU to pick up another $150 to entertain her friend that you don't even like is beyond weird. Use simple words to explain this to your sister, starting out with "No way in he*l."
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How terribly rude and hurtful of your sister. A gift like this isn't like a normal, physical gift - part of the present is the shared experience.
I would wait until I was calm, and then call your sister. Tell her that her actions hurt and offended you, and that you never offered or agreed to take someone you barely know to a concert, all expenses paid.
If your sister doesn't want to go to this concert with you, then that's fine, she's an adult and can make her own choices. But deciding what to do with YOUR money and time is disrespectful and crazy. Tell her that it is not your responsibility to "clear things up" with Missy - your sister made that mess, she can deal with it. It's definitely not your responsibility to pay extra money for a stranger to enjoy a good time. I would end by saying how disappointed you are, and would ask that in the future, she needs to consult with you before making offers on your behalf. And then I would never buy her a concert ticket ever again.
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Your sister doesn't get to reassign your invitation to Sis to her friend that you don't like. You had already told Sis the ticket was for Sis or Joe. If Sis doesn't want to attend, then Joe can attend. If Sis feels bad for her friend, Sis can go buy her friend a ticket. Not your job.
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"I'm sorry for the miscommunication, Missy. When I bought the tickets, I told Karol that I would either be taking her or Joe. Therefore, the ticket is already spoken for."
"Karol, I bought these tickets so that you and I could spend time together. However, I did let both you and Joe know that if you could not make it, Joe would take your place. Therefore, I will be going to the concert with Joe. I've already let Missy know that I do not have an extra ticket for her, and I am really disappointed that I don't get a chance to share this experience with you. I hoping we can do it again in the future, but if this happens again, I'd really appreciate you talking to me first before promising things to other people."
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Your sister is so out of line here. The ticket doesn't belong to your sister and therefore is not hers to give away. Offer to sell her both tickets so she can give her friend this special treat. Otherwise, take your boyfriend to the concert.
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"So I called Karol and told her what was going on. She said yes she "gave" her ticket to Missy. According to her I cannot take back the tickets because it would be cruel. Missy would also need a ride, someone to pay for her food, and all this other stuff. What cost about $250 originally, with missy, would push $400 because she lives so far away, the concert is in another state, and all this other stuff."
Is your sister crazy? Tell her "lol no" and don't talk to her anymore unless it begins with her feverishly apologizing
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I really like "lol no" . It always makes me laugh, and I enjoy it as a concept, as a very brief, non-agonizing-over-the-decision way of classifying "Absolutely not, and it's ridiculous that you'd think I would ever agree to it."
I liked "lolwut" too, back in the day, and "What is this I don't even." Oh darn it, I just became a silly onion headline. "Thirty-five Year Old Woman Enjoys Brief Memes That Succinctly Sum Up Common Yet Difficult Concepts, film at 11. "
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Go with joe. Tell your sister to communicate more and tell missy to piss off. Have fun.
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Pretty easy. Tell Missy sorry, there must have been a misunderstanding, as the ticket was either for your sister or your bf. Tell her if she wants to go and meet you and your bf at the concert, that she is more than welcome to, with the implication that she has to find and buy her own tickets, and come up with a ride herself.
Then, ask your sister WTF she was doing and that of course you are not going to give the ticket to Missy. Remind her they are either hers, or your bf's, as has always been the case with your concert arrangements. Then tell her what you told Missy, and if your sister fights back on how you are mistreating Missy, tell your sister she is more than free to pay for Missy's ticket herself, and to provide a ride to the concert.
Then tell her you are hurt about her not even communicating the change of attendance to you, ask her if there's a shift in your relationship that you're not aware of, and leave the rest of the balls in her court.
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Karol, I was planning on going to this with you, I thought it was something fun we could do together; I don't really want to go to a concert with your friend. If you can go great, but if not then I'm going to go with Joe.
Personally I would also include the following statement, "Missy is demanding and pressures me to pay for all of her stuff. She never pays me back which isn't acceptable."
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"Karol, if you cannot come then I am taking my boyfriend instead. Please let me know by the XXth if you can make it or not."
Don't say anything about how Missy is a pain in the a*s or the cost of covering Missy's needs, simply state that it is either Karol or your boyfriend, end of options. Missy is not in the running here in any shape or form.
Or, you can say "Karol, I bought this ticket as a present for you, and I am not regifting it to Missy. If you cannot come, I am taking my boyfriend instead. Please let me know by the XXth if you can make it or not."
The actual "how the f**k did you think this was a good idea?" should come after the concert itself, imo. Reduces the risk of awkwardness and tension should your sister come with you after all. For that conversation, just ask her straight out: "Karol, why did you give your ticket to someone you know I will not hang out with?" Then just let the question hang until she answers it. Don't be afraid of any awkwardness or silence.
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"I don't know how to let my sister know this is not okay".
Hey Karol, this is not ok. I'm taking my boyfriend. Sorry you didn't understand it was invite for you only but it was. I don't know Missy so you get to tell her you misunderstood me. Also, I don't like her and if she gets a lower opinion of me I don't care at all so feel free to blame me.
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Ew. Gross. Take a friend of your own. Under absolutely no circumstances should you take Missy. At all. Ever.
And you know what? Don't bother to spend money on nice things for Karol ever again, either.
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Tell your sister that you are going to the concert with your boyfriend, and she can break the news to Missy. Because this is your sister's problem and not yours. Have fun at the concert !
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I would tell Missy on no uncertain terms that the ticket was offered to your sister, that it was not hers to give away. Spiteful me might throw Missy back at Karol the same way she threw her at you with "If Karol is would like to buy you the ticket, pay for gas to give you a ride, pay for your food, etc, then I would be more than happy to bring you along."
But it's best to just leave it at "no" and stand firm. Other people's tantrums and hurt feelings don't obligate you to cater to their selfishness. Karol really should have talked to you first.
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